Onward & Sideways
It wouldn’t be a Shari newsletter without the obligatory grovelling about the long silence now, would it? This gap was particularly long and I have no good excuse or explanation. Just life rolling along.
And please - don’t judge me. I have not sent this to anyone to proof read, which usually do as errors are inevitable. I can guarantee you there will be typos. But I’ve been stalling for weeks, not really being sure I should share this content, and now the shows I want to tell you about are upon us and I can’t wait another moment or it will be too late!
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The photo above was taken at my favourite spot on Vancouver Island where I go to write (and of course, evening paddles are such an important part of the process)! And this isn’t a doctored photo. Just a moment on this stunning planet of ours.
I almost shared the following with you in my last letter given it was inspired by the decline and ultimate passing of my brother Steve. But I held off for reasons that would require a professional to analyze. But recently Dan Mangan sent out his story of reclaiming his health over the pandemic, and it inspired me to share my own little journey during the past 6 months.
Talking about bodies has become a mine field. Complementing someone’s appearance can be considered “body shaming”, and referring to weight can be “triggering”. Bodies and food are inseparable. What we put in is what we get out and it all effects how our brain works - or doesn’t. And damn, I really want to get the most and best out of this brain and body. I want to be able to go to 11! (Spinal Tap reference.) There’s nothing like the ticking clock to put that in undeniable relief. “Now or never” is really now or now. I’ll be dead when never comes and I want to squeeze every damn thing out of the rest of now. It’s easy to not take it seriously when you’re younger.
I’ve always been pretty damn healthy. I decided to be a vegetarian when I was 18, though anyone who has been on the road with me will testify that my joke to the waitress asking to confirm that I the turkey is vegetarian is getting mighty old, as well as the one about bacon being its own food group. Jann Arden isn’t going to let me get away with that. Still, I am going to annoyingly confess that I actually crave vegetables instead of Cheetos, though vegetables and chocolate would be a different story. But like almost every other red blooded American/Canadian girl, I have spent my entire adult life with fluctuating degrees of dissatisfaction with my body and carrying more weight than I was comfortable with. And my choice of clothing was always solely about what would allow me to get away the illusion that I wasn’t covering anything up. Nothing to see here! But still…in good robust health - walking, cycling and very active (and I live on a hill so LOTS of stairs!).
But back to the ticking clock. This will be the first I’ve said it out loud - I will be 70 next month. (WHAT?!?! How the HELL DID THAT HAPPEN??) And watching my brother’s health deteriorate over the last few years until his last breath in April, was brutal - and sobering. All three Ulrich kids have been plagued by different degrees of chronic passivity. Fortunately I manage to push through my innate desire to nap on the couch, both literally and figuratively, and be relatively high functioning, but I recognize it as a constant companion requiring vigilance to override, especially in the past year and a half! But the long slow suffering surrender to the abyss - that’s not my plan if I have any say about it. And I’d like to think I do. We do. So about a month before my brother died I impulsively got the Noom app and over a few months pretty effortlessly lightened my load considerably. (Apparently I need to be careful about not talking numbers!) I learned a lot about my relationship with food. I didn’t change what I ate - just how much, because I realized that in truth, NO amount was really “enough”. Food is comfort and who doesn’t have an endless need for that? But at what price? But hunger can be an un-fillable bottomless hole, like booze to an alcoholic. So to be liberated from that endless cycle of desire, regret, shame, discomfort, day after day? Yeah - I’ll have that! I’m sharing this because to pretend that food and alcohol consumption isn’t preventing us from being far more conscious, vibrant, and fulfilling the lives we strive for is not serving us, to put it mildly. So I’m hoping this might inspire someone else.
Often when people ask how I am, I offer up my usual declarations of all that is positive in my tiny little life. My glass-is-half-full nature seems to have been bred into me from birth. But the truth is, my joie de vivre is always trailed by my perennial disappointment in humanity. I won’t list the myriad of ways it manifests in the struggles of the human race, but I am compelled to say at least this….
There has never been a time that it’s more important to think beyond ourselves. I will leave out the business of us burning ourselves to the ground for now, but….on the biology front…. Every one of us is personally responsible for the health and well being of our friends, family members, strangers in a grocery store, and scores of people we will never know. A virus is simply looking for new hosts and it will get stronger and more virulent the more unvaccinated hosts it has to land on. It’s infuriating and heartbreakingly disappointing that so many folks aren’t interested in doing their part to get to the other side of this. Biology rules, and there’s no place for politics, personal preference or a stubborn “you can’t make me” attitude here. And it doesn’t care why you refuse, it’s soldiering on regardless, and getting heartier and mutating in ways you don’t want to be a part of triggering. Only you choosing to do your part can change that course. Yes, there are long term effects from the vaccine - it’s the protection from getting deathly ill or dying from the virus and the potential for our lives, economy and our children’s lives, to return to some normalcy. If you want to dig deeper, Sam Harris has a fascinating podcast with a conversation with Eric Topol on the subject - “A Contagion of Bad Ideas”. But the math of mistrust alone - 3 confirmed deaths directly as a result of the vaccine vs. 4.5 million from Covid, and untold long term suffering. Hm…I’m no genius but…
I expect those who are on this list are not the “you” in this story, but if you are, PLEASE do NOT write me and tell me how misguided I am. My patience has been worn down to a nub.
Okay - stepping off the soapbox!
One of the many unexpected gifts of the past 18 months has been what has become a weekly zoom with cousins. It started as support to our ailing brother Steve and his wife Elane and since Steve’s passing has continued as a welcome weekly ritual. We are scattered between Australia, Ontario, Oregon, Colorado, New Mexico, Indiana, and BC and we have shared the journey though surgeries, ailments, job changes, personal triumphs, adventures, and the sharing of countless colourful stories of family and ancestral lore. It’s been an unexpected depth of connection with these colourful family members
On last week’s call, my sister in Portland reported on how it felt to return to work after a couple of months recovering from a hip replacement. She’s a freelance graphic designer, but for the past few years has had a part time job delivering flowers. Think about it… your job is to surprise people at their front door with a beautiful bounty one of nature’s most stunning displays of artistry.
The reactions at my sister’s arrival at the door range between befuddled, touched, moved, surprised, thrilled, and profoundly grateful. Especially after so many weeks of her suffering at home, it made me so happy to hear her recount the joy of returning to the a job that is so uplifting. Never underestimate gratitude. I thought I’d share that little glimpse of it with you.
I feel indescribable relief for the vaccination requirements for attending concerts (along will various other gatherings of humans of course). This is the only way that artists and audiences will be able to return to concerts. I have been hoping for it since the vaccine was made available. So here we come! Check the tour page for upcoming dates!